I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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