Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
