it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just gift wrapped bread.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
