Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
