Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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