last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
