When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
