I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
