i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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