Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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