in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
