Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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