12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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