the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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