Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize