Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
