Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
tell me about the fingering
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
