Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
