So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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