I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
