Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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