Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
