Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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