Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he puts the penis in happiness.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
