He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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