You can't motorboat a personality
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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