We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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