I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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