just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
