when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
