As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
