That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
