lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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