Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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