I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
