captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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