At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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