I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
