It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
