Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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