Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
