Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
