i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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