All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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