turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's the barista slut.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
