They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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