Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
