I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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