Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
