things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
