The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
