I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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