I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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