So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
