I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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