You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
