so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
