I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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