Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sober January is a disaster.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
