i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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