i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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