I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
