fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
