How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
