sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
