I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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