You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
