There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
