Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His nipple licking is glorious
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