Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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