it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
