Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
