dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
