I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
