I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
