I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
