This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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