if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
