i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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