i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
