they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
