and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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